Bill Waller Archive

Written by Bill Waller. Mr. Waller is a author and contributor local blog, Southwest Georgia Politics. He enjoys writing, traveling, and researching history. He currently resides in Albany, Georgia.

The season that is almost a rite of passage for nearly every young boy in the country is here.  Well okay, at least those involved in Cub Scouting.  It is time for the Pinewood Derby!

The Pinewood Derby was started by Don Murphy in 1953.  He had a son that was too young to race in the Soap Box derby.  Mr. Murphy wanted a father-son project that would allow his son to be safe but still enjoy a Soap Box derby style event.  Thus, the Pinewood Derby was created!

When I was growing up, I looked forward to the Pinewood Derby every year.  I won third place in design one year, but I never came close to finishing in the top three with speed.  That honor always belonged to my friend Jeff.  His father was an architect, and those cars would fly.  I did all that I could to try to find the secret behind Jeff’s fast cars.  Beating Jeff’s car became a goal in life.  Jeff and I are still friends, and to this day, I still do not know how he did it.

I have been making cars with my sons for about eight years now.  All of the cars start off as the same plain block of wood, four nails for axles, and four plastic wheels.  It is amazing what these guys can create when they are allowed to let their imaginations run free.  One year our youngest wanted a purple brain with an eyeball on a stick for a car.  We planned it out and created it!

There are those parent-son teams that are focused purely on speed.  I will have to admit that trophies are nice.  There are all kinds of speed secrets, special wheels, weights, and axles that you can purchase from the Internet.  In fact, you could spend a small fortune on a Pinewood Derby car just to win a trophy that likely cost less than the car.

I have really enjoyed the interaction with my sons in building our cars.  It is nice to win a race, but the Cub Scout motto is “Do Your Best.”  I hope that the memories that we have made through the years building the cars will be with my two sons forever.

As for my friend Jeff, his father is now a grandfather.  It was Pinewood Derby time once again so I was curious to see if the old man still had what it takes to build a winning car with all of today’s advances in materials, theories, etc.  Jeff said that when they put the car on the track and flipped the starting gate, the car didn’t move.  It seems that his father glued the wheels by accident when trying to glue in the axles.  I wish I had raced him that day.  Such is life on the Pinewood Derby track.

Written by Bill Waller. Mr. Waller is a author and contributor local blog, Southwest Georgia Politics. He enjoys writing, traveling, and researching history. He currently resides in Albany, Georgia.

It seems that Hollywood, especially reality TV shows, cannot get enough of all things southern!  Sons of Guns, Call Of The Wild Man, Swamp People, Bayou Billionaires, My Big Fat Redneck Vacation, Moonshiners, are all shows about us unique southern people.  Some of those shows are less than flattering towards us, but we have captured the interests of television producers none the less.

One of the things that make the south so unique is our way of talking.  The southern accent sets us apart from the rest of the nation.  I recently read a news article that said the new Apple’s Siri, which responds to voice commands, cannot figure out the southern accent.  Siri allows a person to operate their iPhone using his or her voice.  (Honestly, sometimes I think that technology is becoming a bit too spooky, but that is for another article.)  Siri does not speak Southernese, and yet they call it a smart phone?  Hmm… Apple uses a song from Albany’s own Ray Charles in their official commercial for Siri, but it is unlikely that Siri would be able to understand Ray’s voice.  Ain’t that the berries?

There are various expressions that used to be part of everyday speech here in the south.  With so many outside influences on the southern culture today such as television, much of that is fading away. Hold on to your hats now y’all because I’m fixin’ to tell you some!

I did some work with an older gentleman during the summer last year who would instruct me to “…grab that board over yonder and slide it in my direction just a scosher tad.”  Now, every self respecting Southerner knows the difference between a scosh, a scosher tad, a smidgen, and just a tad.  For our northern neighbors, a tad is a small, almost insignificant amount, a smidgen is less than that, a scosher tad is really quite small, and a scosh is the smallest of all.

One day I asked when we were going to tackle a project around the house, and the old man said that we would get on it directly.  That of course meant that we would work on it when we got around to it, but it would likely be sooner rather than later.  He has some health issues and on an average day when I asked him how he was doing, he will tell me that he was fair to middling.  I knew then that things are not great, but they could be worse.

I reckon some of y’all ain’t heard these ol’ sayings in a coon’s age.  That is rather sad too.  I ‘spect that it won’t be long before they are all gone with the wind.  Our speech and our colloquialisms are a rich heritage.  It is such a blessing to be born in the Southland

Written by Bill Waller. Mr. Waller is a author and contributor local blog, Southwest Georgia Politics. He enjoys writing, traveling, and researching history. He currently resides in Albany, Georgia.

Have you noticed a drop in testosterone levels?  No, this is not that commercial to fight against, “Low T” but rather an observation that traditional manhood is under assault.  Watch any commercial with a couple, and the idiot is always the male.  Why is that?  I am not saying that the idiot should be the woman, but why can’t they both be equally intelligent?

Some have even observed how the great decline in masculinity parallels with the recent decline in our very liberties.  Perhaps that is because it is now socially unacceptable for a man to speak his mind in what may be perceived as a confrontational manner.  Men today are simply taught that it is better to get along and to be politically correct than to stand with conviction against things in our society that are wrong, unjust, or immoral.

Democratic Presidential Candidate, John Edwards, once declared himself a metrosexual.  That was before he got caught in an affair.  A metrosexual, by the way, is a guy “…with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are.”  That boy did more primping and curling than Dolly Parton!

But it is not just John Edwards who has developed a lack of testosterone.  It is so fashionable to be feminized these days that some male oriented magazines offer lessons in what men ought to know such as how to clean a gun or bait a hook.  There is even a rise in what people are calling “Man Camps” where guys can go to learn how to become…well…a man.

Is there no room for yesterday’s heroes like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood in today’s society?  Do women these days prefer a softer more emotional man by their sides?  I suspect that the answer to both questions is a resounding “no.”  After all, if the answer were yes, there would be no need for “Man Camps.”

Where have we gone wrong, and what can be done about this trend in our society?  Dare I say that it is time to man-up guys!  You don’t have to discover your inner caveman, but it would be nice to take responsibility, speak your mind, and grow a backbone.  We need positive male role models; and if you are a father, you need to become a dad to your children.  Once you develop that relationship, take your kids—especially your sons—fishing, camping, and hunting.  They should not have to flip through the pages of Maxim or GQ to learn these things!

Written by Bill Waller. Mr. Waller is a author and contributor local blog, Southwest Georgia Politics. He enjoys writing, traveling, and researching history. He currently resides in Albany, Georgia.

Facebook is a great thing, isn’t it?  I can find old friends, find out details about people that I am about to meet, and keep track of the happenings in the lives of those that I care about using Facebook.  It is a handy tool, but it can also be a tool that wrecks relationships and destroys marriages too.

A study was done by Divorce-Online which looked at 5,000 cases of divorce in the United Kingdom.  One third of those cases listed Facebook as evidence in the divorce.  The top three reasons as cited by the study were inappropriate messages to members of the opposite sex, spouses that were separated making ugly comments about each other, and friends of the spouse reporting their misbehavior.

Sometimes these online relationships start off as an innocent curiosity about an old flame.  It is easy to type in a name and do a quick search.   A friend request, an innocent “hi,” and the ball starts rolling.  It does not take long before you remember only the good times with your reacquainted  friend and then you reflect on the direction of your current life.  After all, nobody fills their profile with all of their faults and flaws.  That is where the danger begins.   I have heard it said that it is not the first look that gets you into trouble.  It is the second.  If you are going to rekindle an old flame anyway, why not remember all of the reasons why you got married and reignite the sparks with your spouse?

Some friends of mine got together after Christmas, and this subject came up.  One friend does not have a Facebook account so that he can avoid suspicions from his wife.  Another said that he and his wife know each other’s passwords to help eliminate any suspicion.   I know of three families that were recently thrown into turmoil following an emotional affair that was started on Facebook.  One closed their accounts to save the marriage, one is still struggling with the problem, and the other ended in divorce.  An emotional affair can be just as destructive as a physical one.

A lot of energy is robbed from the relationship when one or both partners would rather spend time texting, Tweeting, and Facebooking than communicating with the person they care about.  I see status updates all of the time that read, “I am on a date with my wife” or “Spending quality time with my children.”  That is great, but put the electronic devices down and actually spend time with your family and loved ones.  Tell the world about it later, if you think we really need to know.  Enjoy the moment.

There is a new trend that I have also noticed online.  People are choosing to go on a “Facebook Fast.”  As we become more and more dependent on living virtual lives, I can think of nothing healthier.  I intend to do that this year.

Written by Bill Waller. Mr. Waller is a author and contributor local blog, Southwest Georgia Politics. He enjoys writing, traveling, and researching history. He currently resides in Albany, Georgia.

I will be turning 42 within the week.  Not long ago, I thought 42 was old.  That is not so true anymore.  I once heard that old age is ten years older than you are.  If that is the case, none of us ever achieve “old age” since it is a moving target.

There are a few observations that I have made now that I am on top of the hill.  The first is that life moves fast, and it seems to move even faster the older I get.  I have a theory that the world spins faster and faster until we are eventually flung off.  The expression, “slower than Christmas” means a lot less now than it did twenty years ago.  Make the most of every day because you never know when it is your time to get flung off!

Another observation is that opinions are like elbows. (What?  That is the expression, isn’t it?)  I recently thought that my opinion and about two bucks would buy a sweet tea for you in most of the restaurants in Albany.  That is why I had recently taken a break with these articles.  However, I was surprised when I ran into a reader at the Doubegate EZ Mart who asked why I have not written for a while, and his kind words are why I am writing again.  You just never know who is watching you.

As I look back on my younger days, I think about all of the crazy dreams that I once had.  My dreams were all over the place.  I was going to be an actor—Hey I made it into a few big movies as an extra!  I was going to be a writer, and you are reading my work.  The biggest obstacles to achieving those crazy dreams are in ourselves.  It seems like it is easier to dream big when you are young, but it is never too late to reinvent yourself.

The cake seems to get sweeter as the candles grow greater.  I just hope the smoke alarms don’t go off when I blow out all of those candles!