I’m here to say publicly that we’ve all been very, very wrong. The reality is that the City of Albany really is getting it right. I’m not talking about downtown here either, but the city as a whole. I know, I was shocked too, but over the weekend I learned much about the overall plan and we’ve all been horribly, horribly wrong.
The reality is that the city’s plan is really a stroke of genius. Yes, it may not look like much, but they have plans to bring in significant business and significantly boost the local economy into levels that will put Albany into pre-Firestone closure levels. Folks, we haven’t seen that in a long, long time. We need that. Badly.
I’m not authorized to reveal the specifics of this plan just yet, but trust me when I say that I’m convinced.
What I am permitted to tell you is that much of the waste that’s been present over the last few years has been a front. No, money wasn’t blown on things like Cutliff Grove. Instead, that was a cover – authorized by the General Assembly and signed by the governor – where money was funneled into secret accounts that allowed the covert operations to build up infrastructure and lure new businesses to town.
I’m also permitted to tell you that the companies slated to come to town include three Fortune 100 companies!
Yes, we’ve got it going on right now, and most of us never knew it. In fact, the only reason city officials revealed this to me was because they didn’t figured most readers would believe it if the Herald reported it, noting that Herald reporters have been on the City’s payroll since 1963. It had to come from an independent voice, and that meant the Journal was the only possibility.
Next week, we will be able to reveal all the details just hours before the arrival of the first executives from the new businesses that will call Albany home. Iwill say that the headquarters for a Georgia based soft drink producer will be calling Albany its new home.
Sounds great, right? Isn’t it nice to know we’ve been so far off on what the City of Albany has been doing?
I need you all to go and look at a calendar right now. Yes, it’s April Fools, and if you didn’t figure it out before now, you probably feel pretty silly.
No, the city doesn’t have super-secret plans, and if they did I would probably be extremely upset. I don’t like government keeping secrets from its citizens. I’ve had conversations with commissioners in the past along those lines. Luckily, April Fools Day is always good for a chuckle for me, and since Mondays can be a tough day to write a column, why not have a little fun? I hope everyone has a great April Fools Day, and remember that jokes shouldn’t be too mean.