With the glut of superhero movies that are coming in the next couple of months (Ironman 3, Man of Steel…) I thought I would compile for you the 10 worst. So bear in mind that these 10 are in my humble opinion the worst offenders made and are in no real order.
1.) Spider-Man 3: Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man films make me think of when I was a kid and the electric company used to use Spider-Man to help children read. This movie gave us a drunk with power Peter Parker who batters around his girlfriend, gets a bad ‘emo’ haircut and dances in the streets like he is an extra on ‘Soul-Train’. Compared to the first two Spider-Man movies this one is a stinker (not that the Power Rangers looking Green Goblin is any better…) with its half formed plots, poorly executed villains and girlfriend hitting Peter Parker you’d be better off leaving this one on the shelf.
2.) Blade 3: The Blade movies are not Shakespeare and yet somehow the third movie in this trilogy (which was never really supposed to be a trilogy…) got screwed up. I blame myself for this, I interviewed David Goyer (writer and director of Blade 3…) shortly after the original Blade came out and suggested the use of the character ‘Hannibal King’ and instead of a cool 50’s P.I. turned Vampire, we get Ryan Reynolds as ‘Van Wilder, vampire slayer…’ Poorly written, badly directed and the acting leaves a lot to be desired too: Slay this one on sight…
3.) The Fantastic Four movies (take your pick…): The best part of either of these movies was the interaction between Michael Chiklas and Chris Evans, their portrayals of the ‘Thing’ and ‘Human Torch’ were pretty spot on. The problem is that these movies became a series of badly written pastiches sending up background and characterization that was inconsistent with even the most basic understanding of who or what these characters were. Doctor Doom is an evil philanthropist, Mister Fantastic doesn’t have the common sense God gave my dog and the Invisible Woman character is a scientist but doesn’t do anything approaching scientific work. It would be fantastic if these just disappeared.
4.) Elektra: This is a movie about a character from the ‘Daredevil’ (Ben Affleck…) movie, playing out her resurrected life (she was killed in Daredevil…) as an assassin with OCD problems that only kills one person. The director of this badly written movie went on to talk about its failure at the box office by saying the audience didn’t understand what he was trying to do, it would seem that no one but him understands what he trying to accomplish and the director’s cut doesn’t help, it only makes it worse.
5.) The Punisher (take your pick…): This is another example of people who have no real familiarity with a character taking him and trying to make him something that he is not. All three movies have been inconsistently written, often times trying to make the movies humorous or the character more likeable. This is a character who isn’t a funny, engaging hero. He is a character for which justice is often times swift, brutal and comes in the form of vengeance at his hand. I was punished enough; don’t rent these…
6.) Batman Forever/Batman and Robin: I recently wrote a glowing review of the Christopher Nolan Batman movies, so here comes my views of Joel (‘The Client’ and ‘Lost Boys’) Shumacher’s pair of Dark Knight related cinematic efforts. I watched both of these movies back when they were episodes of the 1960’s Batman television series and while I’ve long since having stopped apologizing for the 60’s version of the character, I can’t bring myself to apologize for either of these movies. They do make me wonder, just what the executives at Warner Brother’s were smoking when they Okayed these monstrosities. I only have two words to describe these movies: Bat-nipples.
7.) X-Men-The Last Stand: I’ve been a big fan of Marvel Comic’s mutants since the sixth grade and I wish that their cinematic efforts had been handled better than they have been. This is the third of the X-Men movies and after Brian (Apt Pupil and Usual Suspects) Singer left to do Superman Returns (It’s on this list too…) we got Bret (Rush Hour 1-3) Ratner as a director. Singer’s efforts in the first two movies gave us a world that had some semblance of reality, Ratner gave us a name-checked list of characters from the comics who were the characters in name only. Singer would have to fall a long way for Bret Ratner to even come remotely close to filling his shoes. The funny part is that this movie (and the next one…) are ignored by X-Men First Class (produced by Brian Singer…)
8.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine: This is another movie that was made where I was wondering just what the movie executives were smoking. This is a prime example of characters being named dropped into a movie to fill in the background. This movie is inconsistent with the story that we got from the other X-Men films and it would have been a ideal for someone to have watched those movies and to have at least tried to synch the continuity from them. When your villain’s secret lair goes from being housed under a dam in a forested valley, to a cliff overlooking a waterfall (for Wolverine to jump from.) you might be just a little off point. Throw in the mutant destruction of Three Mile Island and suddenly you have a party.
9.) Green Lantern: Ryan Reynold’s plays test pilot Hal Jordan, chosen amongst all others to be worthy to wield the power of a Green Lantern ring (The Green Lantern Corps are intergalactic space cops with each one being assigned a sector of space…) and on the surface he has the right look for the character and the concept is one that fans and non-fans should be able to get into, so what happened? Rather than giving him a villain that you could relate to we get a big yellow cloud of gas with a face. The aliens, while they were neat, were largely just set pieces and despite the fact that you would need computer enhanced imagery for this movie the CGI looked like something out of the 90’s.
10.) Superman Returns: In this pseudo-sequel to parts of Superman 2 (That’s how Director Brian Singer termed it…) we find out that Superman had sex with Lois Lane, she had a kid by him, he left town for 5 years and Lex Luthor got released from jail to run amok once more with a plan that involves swindling a dying 80+ year old woman out of all her money on her deathbed. Did we really need a movie where Superman is a deadbeat dad and jealously stalking Lois Lane using his super-senses to peep in on her and the new beau while they are making dinner and talking about him? I say thee Nay….
And there you have the 10 worst Superhero movies ever made…Honorable mentions go out to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 and 3, Superman 3 and 4 as well as both Ghost Rider films and Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (with David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury…)!
Keith Kilburn and his wife, Dawn, live in Leesburg with two cats and dog named Godzilla. He’s written for Herorealm.com before they were bought out by corporate interests and has written a novel that he’s working on publishing. It’s rumored that he’s seen more movies than Blockbuster rents in a year and knows more about comic books than Stan Lee himself!