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Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (Now on SyFy…)

By   /   March 25, 2013  /   Comments

So being sick doesn’t allow for the best movie viewing time, as a matter of fact it could be said that being sick only allows you to watch some stinkers. The fact that I was watching the SyFy channel (and why, oh why, did they change their name to ‘SyFy’ when Sci-Fi is the proper spelling for Science Fiction…) who is known for making such wonderful films as ‘Chupacabra: Dark Seas’, ‘Lake Placid 2, 3 and the final chapter’. It’s a schlock-fest and if they spent half the money on the movies that they spent on their name change, the movies might be worth watching.

Soooo…What about Chupacabra vs. the Alamo? Well the movie deals with Erik Estrada (or Poncherello from C.H.I.P.S!) having to do battle with the mythical Chupacabras at the site of the Alamo. Not only do Estrada and his irregulars have to fend off blood-sucking, dog like critters but they also have to save the Alamo by blowing it up with plastic explosives. But wait, we’re also treated to the fact that the Alamo does have a basement (finally ‘answering’ the old joke about the Alamo’s basement…) and somehow you not only can engage in a major gun battle in the middle of a national monument, but you can blow it up without federal, state or local authorities showing up to question just what the hell is going on.

This is your typical SyFy movie. Bad special effects, implausible plotlines often completely incomprehensible and filmed with actors either well past their prime, over the hill or picked up on the local street corner. Thankfully I didn’t have to pay for this one and I didn’t feel any better after I watched it.

1 Star out of 5, it sucked…but not blood.

End of Watch (Now out on DVD…)

This is a movie that came out last year about two young hot-headed cops who get in over their heads and are marked for death by a Mexican cartel. It’s another one of those ‘filming within a film’ movies where some character spends most of the movie filming what’s going on. The problem with doing that in this movie gives it the look and feel of an episode of ‘Cops’, which would be great for a two hour ‘Cops’ movie, but when you get a bunch of actors it just seems silly.

So what’s the movie like? Well if you can get past the posturing, the language and one of the character’s wife talking about her favorite way of relieving her husband’s stress then you really don’t have anything other than a jazzed up episode of ‘Cops’.

My advice, watch ‘Cops’ instead.

1 Star out of 5, this one was released on its own recognizance.

Cold light of Day (Out of DVD…)

I’ve actually seen this movie twice before and liked it better both the times that I saw it, the first time was when it was called ‘Hot Pursuit’ and had John Cusack and Robert Loggia in it, the second time was when I watched ‘A good day to Diehard’ last month. This movie does share something in common with the latter in that both movies have Bruce Willis in them, unfortunately this one isn’t nearly as good as ‘A good day to Diehard’.

The movie stars future Superman Henry Cavill as the son of Bruce Willis’ character, he’s something of a hothead and his business is failing but he still finds time to go to the coast of Spain to go on a family trip. Things go bad when the entire family (Minus Cavill…) is taken off of their yacht and he has to scramble to figure out what went wrong and who he can trust. Throw in the fact that Bruce Willis is a C.I.A. Operative in possession of sensitive materials the bad guys want and has a hot illegitimate daughter who is helping Cavill look for the family and we’re off to the races.

The sad fact is that the movie doesn’t manage to engage the audience, despite the fact that I was sick and desperately wanting some sort of entertainment, I was losing track of what was going on, who was who and why I should even care beyond my invested dollar twenty-five. If you have the chance and desire, watch something else. Get ‘Hot Pursuit’ if you can find it, it’s by far a superior movie and certainly worthy of your time and money.

1 star out of 5, who named this movie anyway?

 

 

Keith Kilburn and his wife, Dawn, live in Leesburg with two cats and dog named Godzilla. He’s written for Herorealm.com before they were bought out by corporate interests and has written a novel that he’s working on publishing. It’s rumored that he’s seen more movies than Blockbuster rents in a year and knows more about comic books than Stan Lee himself!

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  • Published: 516 days ago on March 25, 2013
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  • Last Modified: March 25, 2013 @ 12:33 pm
  • Filed Under: Movie Guy
 

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