Yes, Who Made Who? Sung by one of the greatest vocalist of my time, Brian Johnson of AC/DC. The song was released in 1986. A time when my driver’s license was freshly acquired, car windows down, volume as loud as the factory radio in my 1979 Ford Fiesta would blast it. In our youth we seldom delve into the meaning behind the name of a song or the lyrics. And why should we? I just wanted loud rock n roll with no worries, no cares.
Then something happened. I grew up. I fought the process every step of the way. Then today, while sitting behind my desk working for the man, Brian’s vocals came across my ear buds and I reached to crank the volume. “To hell with any phone calls, I’m rocking this place.” Before I allowed myself to chuckle at the thought of kicking my feet up on the desk, the title of the song made me envision a scenario.
I saw myself standing in the exact spot where every President has stood while addressing the nation during the State of the Union. Not adhering to any dress code, I stood proudly wearing my Social Distortion t-shirt, worn out jeans and my biker boots, unpolished of course. In front of me, an audience of 535 congressman, nine Supreme Court Justices and the one man we call our President. My stage is so quiet that you can almost hear Nancy Pelosi’s pearl necklace rattle from her nervous breathing. I have their utmost attention.
“Mr. President, Justices, and members of Congress, ‘Who Made Who’?” As any politician would do, I pause to let the question sink in. “Who Made Who? You sit in these grand halls thinking YOU made America. That YOU are the gods of this great land. And in your conceited drunkenness, YOU are ruining this country. MY country. Do all of you honestly believe that WE owe you anything? That WE cannot survive without your self-described infinite wisdom?
“Sitting in front of me are politicians who were once lawyers, doctors, business owners and a community organizer.” (A muted chuckle comes from the Republicans) “Did not one of you retain consciousness in any of your school’s history classes? Judging by your inability to listen to your constituents and by the way you govern, you did not. You may possess magical oratory skills when standing on the stump, but to the few of us that are not wooed, you are wasting oxygen.”
Just then, blasting into my ear buds, Angus Young’s fingers started a fire across his guitar strings. This only added fuel to the condemnation. I slam my hand down on the podium and continued.
“So here is my solution. You all are FIRED. I voted you into this position and I have the right to fire you. I have prepared 545 brown paper bags, one for each of you. In it you will find a copy of our Constitution, a ticket back to your home state, and a Subway coupon, just in case you get hungry. Consider this your severance package.
“The United States will once again be a place where regulations do not kill small businesses. This country will give rewards to those that work and pay taxes or start a business. We will offer assistance to those down on their luck, not provide hand outs that promote laziness. We will dissolve the IRS and institute a new tax code to bring work back to America. Parents will decide what school is best for their children. And we will permanently shut down the board of education, giving back to the states the power to educate. The highest court will deliver verdicts based on the Constitution, not ideological favors. Equality will be for every American; people will no longer be divided into classes that seek out special recognition and entitlements. Our military will stand with our allies and guard our borders….”
” Like baby, baby, baby, no…Like baby, baby, baby, oh…”
“What in the world?” I scream as I return to reality. Damn kids put Bieber on my iTouch.
J Winkleman is above all, a family man. A committed fiscal conservative with a hint of libertarian views on social issues. Enjoys calling it as he sees it with a touch of satire. Military veteran, lover of photography and dreams of being a conservative commentator on MSNBC.