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Punching Jellybean…by accident!

By   /   October 15, 2012  /   Comments

By Brett Buckner 

As they say – time is money. They also say that money is the root of all evil.

In terms of the later and because of the former, I kinda punched Jellybean in the mouth.

As if the career change weren’t replete with enough said change, I’m also making the transition from salaried to hourly employee and having to deal with all the machinations – all of which are vast, complicated and utterly unworthy of debate – that comes with having to clock in.

But on a personal level, punching the clock has ratcheted up my morning stress level to Bruce-Banner-into-the-Incredible-Hulk proportions … you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

The panic settles in around 7 a.m. My Lovely Wife and I have this tradition of watching DVRd episodes of Days of Our Lives while drinking a cup of coffee. Watching the ridiculous issues of these people deal with (Raif is pretending to be the father of Nichole’s baby, when EJ’s really the father; but Nichole loves Dr. Jonas, and Raif loves Sammy who’s still dealing with the fact that her son, Will, is gay, but then Will slept with Gabby, who’s really in love with Chad, and in trying to get back with him accidentally – yep, accidentally – got Melanie kidnapped).

Whew … makes our lives pretty manageable by comparison.

By 7, when The Diva has emerged from her den and My Lovely Wife has yawned her way back into the bedroom where she goes from simply beautiful to professionally gorgeous with just a little blush and a hair flip, we tag-team waking a sleeping Jellybean.

It’s fascinating, how same child who climbs into our bed like Chatty Kathy at 3 a.m. won’t stir without a Herculean effort and at least one dog stomping on her sternum.

By the time she’s awake and watching Katy Perry videos, we’ve got about 10 minutes to get dressed teeth brushed, hair combed and gather up the odd assortment of stuff – books, blankets, notebooks, pens, stuffed animals and jewelry – she insists on carrying before hitting the road.

Sadly, time wasn’t necessarily of the essence.

I always tried to make it on time, but 10 minutes here or there didn’t really matter. Now, soon as that computer clock starts tickin’ past 8:30 and my tush hasn’t hit the seat, it’s money out of the family coffers.

So while Jellybean sings blissfully in the backseat – again with the Katy Perry – I’m driving with Dale Junior’s reckless abandon. And I barely tap the breaks once we hit the daycare. Before the Kia’s come to a full stop, I’m dragging Jellybean toward the door – unchewed Pop-Tart in her mouth and ice water dribbling down her cheek. When we’re finally in the classroom – usually with about six minutes to make it across the street to my office – Daddy doesn’t have time to coddle or cuddle.

Before the time clock, I’d take my time getting Jellybean settled – finding her a chair and puzzle, maybe make a little small talk with the teacher. Plus, we do this sweet thing from The Kissing Hand, a book about a momma raccoon who eased her baby’s fear over starting school by reminding him how much she loved him by kissing his paw and then he’d do the same.

This is not a gesture that should be rushed … else, like this morning, The Kissing Hand accidentally becomes the Punching in the Face Hand. Guess I’d better slow down, before Jellybean learns how to hit back.

Contact Brett Buckner at brettbuckner@ymail.com

Brett Buckner is an award-winning freelance newspaper/magazine writer who was raised in Albany.


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  • Published: 1054 days ago on October 15, 2012
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  • Last Modified: October 15, 2012 @ 4:52 pm
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