In front of our house sits a brick retaining wall. Correction: in front of our house used to sit a brick retaining wall. Now there is just a pile of bricks where that wall stood solidly for 40-plus years.
Mrbunny and I were just farting around the house trying to get a few last-minute things together for our vacation when suddenly the house literally (said in my best Rob Lowe/Chris Traeger imitation) shook accompanied with a very loud boom. It sounded like when we were having the trees removed out back and they’d knocked one down.
Of course, we look out the window to see what it was and discovered there was a truck in our front lawn. I know I once threatened the old lady next door to go full out redneck on her a– but this wasn’t quite what I had intended.
Anyways, I go running out to see if the driver needed help and just happened to catch him in the futile effort to stash a can under his seat. Because, you know, when you are bleeding profusely from the head your first priority is to try and hide the evidence, and of course no one will think to look under the seat.
Man, who was obviously impaired, ignores the lady, who was to my knowledge of the medical field persuasion, to please sit still while she gave him a cursory glance over, climbs out of truck.
Now it should be noted that the truck was completely wrecked and we could see fluids pouring out of it. I know I didn’t know what these fluids were and it didn’t appear as if the other women standing there knew, either, so when the man went to light a cigarette I ran as fast as my short chubby legs would let me. I was less than 24 hours away from heading to the islands for a much-anticipated vacation and I wasn’t going to let something like being engulfed in a fireball stop me.
Impaired Man decided to finally listen to our pleas to stop smoking near the truck, so he promptly threw the lit cigarette into my dry-as-the-Sahara lawn. Just what I need — a brush fire. But I suppose in the grand scheme of things, a brush fire is more desirable than a fireball, so maybe he was on to something.
Police show up. Ambulance shows up. Fire department shows up. Man is checked out, put in ambulance, and mystery liquid is determined to be harmless water and antifreeze.
Now, I’m in an “if you give a mouse a cookie” situation.
When we fix the wall, the new brick will make the old brick look bad. And then if we fix all the brick, the yard will look like crap. And if we fix the yard, then the brick on the house will need to be power-washed. And if we clean the brick on the house, then the siding will need to be painted. And if we paint the siding, then the roof will need replacing. And if we replace the roof, then we need new windows. And if we get new windows, the roof will need replacing. And if we replace the roof then …