Now that Commissioner Tommie Postell has successfully pushed to ban saggy pants in the City of Albany, maybe it’s time we focus on other things that will really make an impact on our community. You see, it would be easy to try and fight actual crimes like robbery, murder, rape, and things like that. Things like that are bad, but Postell seems to have hit on something vital.
Crime is messy. I mean, criminals are bad people and they want to do bad things. Going after them could be dangerous, and not just for the police officers who have to enforce the rules. Criminals might decide to go after city commissioners themselves. So Commissioner Postell made a stand. Instead of going after these people, we should go after folks whose greatest crime is to spurn the belt.
In truth, it’s highly unlikely that anyone would go after the commissioners. This is Albany, not Chicago or New York. The truth of the matter is that there’s not any real risk to the commissioners. But why should Postell risk it?
Now that we have made this bold step forward, we should take care of some real business. Maybe the good commissioner has hit on something, after all, and we should seize the moment. Now, we need to ban all kinds of ridiculous fashions to make this community better. The problem isn’t where to start, as Postell has already done just that. The problem is where to go next.
Personally, I have some suggestions. For one, let’s eliminate bow ties. They just look silly, and it’s extremely difficult to take anyone wearing one seriously. By eliminating bow ties, we can send a signal to the rest of the nation that we’re serious people. It’s possible to put in an exemption for Schools Superintendent Joshua Murfree, but I’d rather we didn’t. Seriously, they just look dumb.
We can also go after women who wear pants so tight that I can tell when they shaved their legs last. I mean, with some women it’s not as big a deal but with others it’s a real drag (no pun intended). This will show the world that we are a righteous people who are serious about morality. Plus, tight jeans get to a point where they’re just nasty. Seriously.
OK, maybe serious is a wrong choice of words. We all know that this is ridiculous. After years of our community going downhill, this is what we get from the City Commission. It’s imperative that we, as a community, improve our lot, but this isn’t how it’s done.
We need jobs in this town. We need to put actual criminals in jail. We need to clean up our streets by getting rid of real criminals and not worrying about a man’s pants. This is just smoke and mirrors designed to win points with a more conservative section of the community at the expense of a group that is notorious in their lack of voting. Heaven forbid that Postell actually make an effort to really improve our community. Heck, even an effort on his part to improve our abysmal literacy rate would do some good.
Instead, we get an ordinance outlawing sagging pants. It’s going to do nothing to better our community, or even make a noticeable impact on the city’s finances. Instead, it’s going to just be another case of government infringing on the rights of an individual. It makes me ashamed to call Albany home.
Written by Tom Knighton. Read his blog at TomKnighton.com, as well as SWGAPolitics.com. A lifelong political junkie, Tom started out his adult life as a journalism major at Darton College before leaving school to serve his nation as a U.S. Navy Corpsman. Through the years, he has watched government from outside and inside. A former Reagan supporter, then later a Democrat, Tom now finds himself quite comfortable as a card carrying Libertarian and currently serves as Chairman of the Libertarian Party of Southwest Georgia.