The eight month death march to August begins. Sure we have a few bowl games, state playoffs and an outside shot of getting the Falcons to the postseason, but August represents new hope for the local high school programs and the Bulldogs. In the meantime, we will have to find something to distract us.
Let’s start with PETA.
Do these people have a clue? In case you missed this one, this organization of geniuses wants the University of Georgia to replace UGA VII with an electronic dog replica because it would be “more humane.” If anyone from PETA is reading this, let me tell you a story of my youth.
When I was 12 or so, I would often go to Georgia games with my parents and their friends. We would spend the night at “The Georgia Cente.” I always got to sleep on one of those rollaway beds with the comfortable spring in the spine.
Often on the Sunday morning after the game, the Seilers, owners of the UGA line, would ask me and my friend Clark Carter to walk UGA III. They would give us the key to his room and tell us to go upstairs and bring down the dog.
That’s right; I said the key to UGA’s hotel room. I slept on a cot; UGA had his own room. No kidding.
Not to mention the dog gets sideline access, a very nice dog house and is adored by the Georgia cheerleaders. That sounds like a humane existence to me.
So tonight I am going to sear some steaks and eat some mammal in honor of UGA VII. After all, People Eating Tasty Animals is only natural.
THE TIGER SAGA
Same old story. Man learns to drive and putt. Man wins the Masters. Man marries the hot Swedish nanny. Man has a globetrotting affair with a nightclub hostess. Man finds out his Swedish wife is also pretty good with a pitching wedge.
I am wondering what type of endorsements Elin Nordegren might get now.
Of course, there’s Lee Press-On Nails. “If you really want to claw out the eyes of out your cheating husband, use Lee Press-On Nails.”
The exclusive development near Orlando where the couple resides could use the slogan, “Live here and you won’t even get arrested after your trailer trash blow ups.”
On Sunday morning, the media was making a huge deal about two golf clubs being found in the drive way. Duh … Stevie obviously told Elin that the nine iron was too much club and she opted for loft when smashing out the car windows.
There really is a good lesson in all of this for you youngsters. If you want to be untouchable by the Florida State Patrol, learn to drive a golf ball 350 yards.
Don’t laugh, State troopers visited the happy home the day after the incident to interview Tiger and Elin. An agent told the troopers neither was available for comment and to “come back tomorrow.” Hmmm … I wonder if that will work for me the next time I am pulled over for speeding in Florida.
“Sorry officer. I am just not available to take this ticket. Would you like to talk to my agent?”